She’s 16. She is my eldest daughter (first born). She got her Learners permit.
Little did I know that being a passenger in your own car whilst handing over the control of the car to your eldest daughter would trigger so much anxiety for me! We had talked about this leading up to her getting her learners that she would get her hours up very quickly because of the opportunity she would have to drive my car whenever we had to go out (and that’s a lot!). It’s a 2 hour round trip a day just for school drop off & pick up! We had it all planned out. Then she hopped in the car (after her first official driving lesson with a professional) and we were off.
I am normally a calm, centred person (I have my moments, we all do!), however I started to notice anxiety coming up. I tried to calm myself by breathing deeply, however the anxiety was getting worse. I started to struggle to breathe and I was getting hot. She did so well on her drive, she’s very calm and stable on the road. So there was no fault in her driving, yet the anxiety was starting to become crippling. So I talked to my husband and my daughter and shared how I was struggling with handing over control of the car to her and that for now he would need to bring her out on driving lessons.
I sat with why this was coming up for me and came to the conclusion that;
* She is my child (mumma bear protecting her cub)
* Parents protect their children (I can’t do that if she has the steering wheel)
* I know she’s 16 but still see her as my child (I’ve been driving her around since the day she was born ~ 16 years!)
After coming to terms with all this, we had many conversations (mum & daughter) and I reassured her that it wasn’t her driving that I didn’t have faith in, instead it was my own fears that were coming up within me.
So what to do…..
I went about healing this fear. I could have chosen to do nothing to change it and the fear would still be there, but that’s not me. Once I see something that is not in alignment with who I am or want to be, I need to change it. I did not want to go through my life with this fear. So I decided to practise mindfulness but on a whole other level! I meditated daily. I was doing yoga regularly. I was watching my thoughts and allowing them to just be, instead of getting caught up in them. I was mindfully eating, driving, brushing my teeth, going to the toilet! I was present in everything that I was doing (sometimes it wasn’t always present but that’s ok, I’m human) but what I started to notice was that I was starting to become more calmer in my every day life. My thoughts were more focused. My body was more relaxed. Then the icing on the cake was that I booked in to go on a silent meditation retreat for 1 whole day. That meant no talking, no eye contact with anyone else in the retreat, no mobile phones, just being with yourself and your own thoughts whilst meditating the whole day…. I will admit that I was apprehensive about it (Will I be able to not talk for 1 whole day!? Will I be able to last the whole day just meditating and nothing else?) With that apprehension there was also excitement, so I chose to commit to myself for 1 day and would give it my best! I’ve gotta say, by the end of that 1 day silent meditation retreat I was calm, felt rested and at peace. It was the BEST thing I have ever done for ‘me’. My body and soul craved it! And now I am committing to doing this for me at least once a term! I loooved it! (That’s not to say that during the day there wasn’t frustration, boredom, thoughts, etc…, it’s just that I allowed space for them all, sat with them and just surrendered…) That was the difference.
And guess what, the very next day my family & I had a birthday party to go to and my daughter asked me if she could drive us there (along an 80km hwy road), I said yes without hesitation. Without panic. Without fear. It just no longer existed. It was gone! She was as blown away as were my other children and husband as to my turn around. I was able to sit in the car whilst she drove our whole family whilst we were talking, laughing and I felt relaxed, enjoying the ride. Since then she is driving my car on a regular basis. To and from school, to other peoples houses, to restaurants, to her work, everywhere. And I am able to sit in the passenger seat relaxed & calm chatting away.
I am so grateful that I was committed to working through the fear and shifting that for myself. My life now feels even more calmer than before and I am so much more happier within! Oh, and my 16 year old daughter is over the moon that she can drive everywhere now!
Life is busy, we are all busy. If something in your life isn’t working then do what you need to in order to heal it, life is so much more richer as a result.
Blessings,
Amalia xx
Follow