I have decided that I need to write about our car accident as part of my own healing journey and to help me let it go…. So this is purely about acknowledging, feeling, embracing, healing and letting go. This is what I need to do for ME…..
Started the day off early at 4am on Sunday 23rd October 2016 to participate in a 35km fundraiser walk for Mito with my friends. Completed the walk in 6 hours and we were so happy to have accomplished it (and in the rain)! My beautiful husband and three children decided to meet me at the finish line with huge smiles, hugs and praises of congratulations! It was such a great feeling having them there waiting for me. And even better with my youngest daughter Kiara running towards me and wrapping her arms around me for a huge hug and walking through the finish line with me! Such a special moment.
Chatting and walking very slowly (because of my very sore legs) me and my family made our way to the car and started to drive home. It was such an enjoyable drive, more chatting, laughing and me saying how much I am reeaallllly looking forward to a soak in the bath with some salt crystals to soothe my tired legs.
The next few minutes felt like an eternity and a blur mixed in with the reality of the severity of what was happening…. John yelled, slammed on the brakes just as another car started making a U turn directly in front of us whilst we were travelling on an 80km road….. We didn’t stand a chance. We slammed into the other car, crunch! The sound of the airbags all going off, my head and left ear slamming into the airbag, the sensation of being weightless in the air, in a car, and the feeling of the car tipping / flipping over, all the while knowing that it was heading onto its roof…. At that moment, I had the realisation and strong sense that if the car did flip and land on the roof, we would not make it out alive. My heart sank, with that realisation…. We were in the air, in the car! Husband, wife, and three children. My family. And the car was flipping.
Then out of nowhere I felt a pull and we were jerked and pulled down onto the road, back onto all four tyres. The car came to a halt. That sensation of crashing back down to the ground, from God knows how high in the air, was what snapped me back into my body (or so it seemed). I got my senses back, I immediately heard the screams of my children in the back seat and noticed the smoke inside the car. John was yelling at us to get out of the car! I turned in a panic and asked my children if they were ok, at a glance they all seemed to be in one piece. Screaming and crying hysterically, but in one piece. I kept saying to them, “it’s ok, it’s ok, we’re ok. Quick, let’s get out of the car, quick”. The smoke in the car worried me and John kept yelling at us all to get out of the car. It wasn’t until later that he explained why? All the airbags had gone off which was an absolute blessing, however that also meant that John couldn’t see out of the windows as they were blocking his view. He didn’t know where we had landed on the road and he was worried that we may have been on the path of oncoming traffic. Well, he was right, we ended up on the other side of the road facing oncoming traffic, but miraculously, there were no cars coming down the road at that time!
So I pushed my jammed car door open and got out as quickly as I could, helped my screaming, crying, terrified kids out of the car and we moved over to the side of the road. All the while checking the kids physical bodies, hugging them, asking them if they were ok and what hurt? There were minor injuries but they were all in one piece. John and I were the same. We all hugged and didn’t want to let go. We were alive. We were alive.
The driver of the other car ran over to our side of the road and started yelling at John for causing the accident! His wife did the same! As I was hugging my hysterical kids I called the police. We told the other driver and his wife to move to their car as we all waited for the police, in shock and with hysterical kids, which felt like hours, but may have only been a few minutes. The police arrived, did what they had to do, fined the other driver on the spot (as he was at fault), called the ambulance and assessed the scene. As I watched, I noticed that the police woman was checking out the road, and that’s when I noticed that there were no skid marks on the road, apart from where we had landed. We had travelled, in the air, from one side of the road to the other! And managed to all walk out of the car, alive, and in one piece!
There was a man who had witnessed the whole thing and he had come over to help us. He shared with me exactly what he saw. He said that we didn’t stand a chance, the other car had pulled out directly in front of us. Then our car was airborne and flipping over in the air onto the roof. He said he was watching with disbelief as it was not going to be good. He then said that out of nowhere the car seemed to have been pulled back the other way and then came crashing straight down back onto its tyres. He said that he still couldn’t understand how that happened, because the car was in the motion of flipping… It didn’t make any sense. But he was so grateful that it did not flip over as it would not have been a good outcome if it had. He said that it was as if someone was watching over us and helped us.
Instantly, I knew that we were saved. By who? I don’t know. And that’s ok. I thanked whoever it was, and still continue to thank them. I tell my kids to thank them also, whenever they think about the accident. Our outcome could have been very different, but Divine Intervention happened, and here we are, living and able to tell the tale. I think about it constantly. For ALL of us to have been in such a major high speed collision car accident and ALL of us to have been able to walk out of the car in one piece, is definitely a Miracle.
After the accident, we were assessed by the ambulance and cleared with just minor injuries which needed to be monitored over the next week or so. So we called a family member and asked them to pick us all up to drive us home (as our car was a write off and taken away by the tow truck). That drive home was very quiet. Walking in through our front door was surreal…. I felt like I had been given a second chance at life, I remember thinking, I may not have been doing this if our car had flipped, it may have been very different.
Once at home, there were tears. There still are tears…. But that’s ok, as it’s all part of the healing process. Then the process of “things to do” kicked in. Insurance company had to be called, kids needed to be showered, fed and nurtured, clothes needed to be washed. I organised all this and also found myself cleaning my house and then realised that I was not able to stop, the adrenaline that was running through my body was high! Remember that I had just walked a 35km fundraiser and been up since 4am that morning. So, as I realised what I was doing…. I stopped.
That night, John and I held our children tighter, kissed them often and told them we loved them constantly…. We were alive, together and in one piece.
The next day, no car, kids stayed home from school, our physical bodies stiff, sore and bruised and our emotional bodies raw and still in shock, we went about our day as per normal. Except with new eyes and gratitude to be alive in our hearts. One child constantly talking about the accident nearly every hour on the hour, another child occasionally bringing it up but otherwise very quiet and the third child not saying a word, distracting himself with technology, but I could clearly see him deep in thought, trying to process what had happened the day before. Asking them how they feel, how their injuries are, encouraging conversation, monitoring their mental, emotional and physical wellbeing. Me… organising hire car, insurance, next step forward, getting kids to school tomorrow, advising the schools / teachers of what the children had just been through and to keep an eye on them when they returned….. In a moment of silence, I decided to pull out an oracle card from my GAIA oracle card deck for some sort of explanation, information, or understanding as to why this had happened??? The card that I got was:
“Ocean of Eternal Love – Healing, Creativity, Fertility”.
“It is said that love conquers all; this is especially true for you at the moment. Something is resolved and healed through love. What was previously barren now becomes fertile. A seed is planted and you are the co-creator. The conditions are favourable; the timing is right; a new creation awaits you. The birth of something new brings joy and excitement. The forever changing seasons of eternity turn their invisible wheel and a new cycle begins. A new image is born.
Love brings resolution
Love is eternal
WOW! Message received loud and clear. Thank you! From that moment on, things changed. Love poured into every hurt, trauma, pain that I felt. A sense of peace washed over me. Don’t get me wrong, it is a long road ahead to try and heal from what we went through, but the road seemed a little brighter than before. This was a new beginning…. for all of us.
That afternoon I noticed a bruise on the top of my left thigh, it was an odd shape and I was trying to figure out what could have caused it in the accident? Nothing could come to mind, and still can’t. As I looked closer, I realised that the bruise formed the shape of a heart. The heart is facing me as I look down at my thigh, so it is upside down for anyone else looking at it. (Hearts for me have always been and still are signs from spirit, loved ones, angels, the divine, especially heart shapes that appear in odd places, objects, etc…) Instantly I realised that this was a sign, for me, to say that we were definitely watched over and helped in the accident, and that everything was going to be alright. WOW! Again, I thanked whoever it was that had saved us on that day and also for the heart sign as confirmation of their Divine Intervention.
As the day progressed, I realised that my view of life had changed. I loved listening to the sounds of my children laughing, this made me smile. I was seeing my children through new eyes, they mean the world to me, but now this was amplified more so! The sun came out and I found myself tilting my face into the stream of the sun, closing my eyes, and feeling the beautiful warmth of it on my skin, and smiling. It was so good to be Alive. It felt Amazing!
The following day was picking up the hire car and driving the kids to school day…. Sitting in my dad’s car as he drove us to the kids school was hard. I kept asking the kids if they had their seat belts on, at least three times before I realised I was doing it, and then stopped. The nerves in my tummy were intense and I had to focus on deep breathing just to stop myself from vomiting. The anxiety I was feeling was high. We dropped off the first child at school…., I took a deep breath of relief. We drove to the other school and dropped off the other two kids….., deep breath of relief. Still focusing on not vomiting from the sick feeling in my tummy, I was taking deep breaths and the whole time tears were welling up in my eyes….. We finally got to the hire car place. Picked up the car, said goodbye to my dad, sat in the car and started to drive off. My arms were shaking, the sick feeling in my tummy was intense, focusing on deep breathing… then the emotions hit, tears started to fall and I allowed them. As I calmed down, I saw the positive,…. I can drive. I thought to myself, I am so lucky that I can still drive after such a horrific car accident. Not everybody has that luxury. Not everybody makes it out alive or in one piece. I did. We did. We are blessed. I know that the more I drive, the easier it will get, and that for now it will be a little hard….. and that’s ok.
As the days progress, the pains in our physical bodies increase, new bruises are appearing on my body every day, I have no appetite and I feel like I need to vomit all day. My body feels like it is shaking from the inside out and occasionally it does shake on the outside too. I close my eyes and see the whole accident again, and again, and again, I feel the sensation of being in the air and the car flipping, I hear the screams of my children and see the terror on their faces….. tears flow….. relief that we are alive and in one piece…. gratitude for life.
Life goes on, and we are left to deal with the trauma, shock, physical pain, emotions, etc as we get on with life too. So now we are still waiting to see what happens with our car, a new car will need to be arranged and everything that comes with that. We are looking after our physical bodies and monitoring what is happening as best we can. We are trying to heal emotionally (the shock is extreme and has been referred to as Post Traumatic Stress) we are doing what works for each of us individually, and we are sourcing a psychologist that can support us as a family to deal with the PTS. We are hugging each other tighter. We are kissing each other more. We are telling each other how much we love each other always. Life is a wonderful thing and it can be taken away from us in an instant. With renewed eyes, I see the world and everything in it with so much LOVE, Gratitude and excitement. I wonder….. what does the universe have in store for us? What special things are we here for? We have been given a second chance at life, and we will grab it with both hands and make the most of it! We know that we are on a long journey towards healing and that some days may be harder than others, but we keep affirming, We. Are. Alive.
Thank you to whoever saved us in that car accident, thank you for the sign on my leg and the card, and thank you for the gift of a second chance at life! Now to slowly heal and move forward with Love…….